Stuff my 3 year old says

A painting of Hugo, the artist's son, by Franci. 9" x 12" Watercolor

Hugo (my son, my soul, my everything). 9″ x 12″ Watercolor

Hugo sees an Earth globe: Look, a map ball!

Hugo: I want to watch Bambi.
I put Bambi on and I skip past the credits at the beginning.
Hugo: No, go back to the end, mama. Go back to the writing.
Me: You want to watch this?
Hugo: Yes, don’t turn the page, mama.

Me: What’s your name?
Hugo: Corduroy the Policeman.
Me: No, what’s your name?
Hugo: Luca
Me: Come on, what’s your name?
Hugo: Bug Band
Pascale: Hugo, what’s my name?
Hugo: Pas… Corduroy the Policeman.
Pascale: You know my name. You almost said it! I thought you were Corduroy the Policeman.
Hugo: I’m Hugo.

Hugo: Daddy, eat my booger.

Hugo pricks his finger and says: Mama will cut your hair and make it better.

Jacob: Look Hugo, a garbage truck.
Hugo: It’s a cement truck.
Jacob: I can play this game too buddy. It’s a plane.
Hugo: It’s a boat.
Jacob: It’s a train
Hugo: It’s a garbage truck.
Jacob: You’re right.

Hugo brings me two LEGO pieces stuck together.
Hugo: Mama, take off the green one.
I pull them apart and give him the pieces back one by one, red one first and then the green one.
Hugo: No, mama.
He puts them back together.
Hugo: Take off the green one.
I pull them apart again and give him the green one first and then the red one.
He is happy.

Me (reading an Alphabet book): G is for gnomes.
Hugo: no mama, G is for the g-sound.

Jacob: Hugo, what’s on the moon?
Hugo: the sun.
Jacob: What else?
Hugo: Africans.

I showed Hugo the blanket I’m making for Christine’s baby.
Me: Isn’t it cute, Hugo?
Hugo: No, mama; it’s the same.

Hugo is taking a bath and calling in a desperate voice: Daddy, come daddy, come daddy! DADDY! COME DADDY!
Jacob: I’m coming, coming. What’s wrong?
Hugo: I farted.

Me: are you going to finish your banana?
Hugo: no, mama. I’m not going to eat it. I’m not a monkey. I don’t eat bananas.
Me: what are you?
Hugo: I’m a tiger, mama.

Hugo: Take off my shirt.
Me: No. What? What are you going to wear?
Hugo: My boobies!

Me: what do you want for breakfast?
Hugo: tomatoes.
Me: okay, omelet and tomatoes it is.
Hugo eats the tomatoes and runs to the mirror.
Hugo: my hair’s not red. What’s going on Arie? What’s going on? Oh, I forgot the ketchup.

Jacob’s cuddling Hugo.
Hugo: Stop blowing on me, daddy.
Jacob: I’m not blowing on you. I’m breathing.
Hugo: Stop breathing, you’re a man, not a dragon.

Jacob (frustrated): Hugo, you’re such a joy!
Hugo: I’m not a joy. I’m a boy.

Hugo: In 3 I turn March and when I was grown up at 0 in January I stuck my fingers in Hudson’s birthday cake.

Hugo: dad, you’re a square.
Jacob: and I’m not offended at all.
Hugo: and I’m triangle.
Jacob: what kind of triangle are you?
Hugo: a rectangle triangle.
Jacob: a right angle?
Hugo: no, a rectangle triangle. and mama’s a circle. she’s round.
Jacob: yes, she’s got a circumference and a diameter, a girth.

Hugo: oh boy mama! This book has words!

Hugo (frantic): Where is it? Give it back! Give it back!
Me (mouthing): What a fuck? (Concerned) What’s wrong honey? What did you lose?
Hugo (frantic): My scrape! On my knee!
Me: It’s on your other knee.
Hugo (relaxed): Oh. (Rolls up the pants on his other leg to admire his scab.)

Hugo: can I watch Dickie Toys?
Me: no.
Hugo: mama, you got the words wrong. You got ‘yes’ wrong.

Hugo: I’m changing my name.
Me: okay, what should I call you?
Hugo: Spot.
Me: Spot, come here boy.
Spot: I’m coming.
Me: Good boy!

Hugo: look mama, a cute little tiger.
Me: aw, he’s cute.
Hugo: pet him.
Me: he’s so soft (I’m petting the air).
Hugo: look mama, a cute little shark.
Me: aw, so cute.
Hugo: look at his boobies.

Hugo: we have to get the vinegar rabbit.
Me: what?
Hugo: the velveteen rabbit.
Me: you want to read The Velveteen Rabbit?
Hugo: no, we have to get the car.
Me: oh, the Volkswagen rabbit.

Hugo: I’m so thirsty mama. I’m sick.
Me: well, I have no water, so we have to walk to the library and get some.
Hugo: I’m so thirsty mama.
Me: come here, drink from this hose (a house had the hose out at the front).
Hugo: I want to pee in the hose.

Hugo: I’m going to eat you all. I ate you all!
Girls at the park: No, you didn’t. We’re still here.
Hugo: Daddy! I ate all those girls.
Jacob: No, you didn’t I can still see them.
Hugo: I just pooped them out.

Hugo: mama, sing a lullaby.
Me: Hush little baby…
Hugo: no, mama, that’s a left one. Sing a right one.

Me: Hugo, are you paying attention? Focus, please.
Hugo: it’s not focus, it’s hocus pocus.

(Sorry bathroom humour)
Hugo (on the potty): 3, 2, 1…

As a side note, I take commissions on portraits through Etsy. Here’s the link:

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